Lenny: I have a sock toe hole
Lenny's Friend: I have a sock heel hole
Lenny's Friend's 4-year-old daughter: I have a tight butt hole

Uncontrollable, teary snorting from adults. All attempts to explain the difference between "tight" and "tights" abandoned.

I color-code chainsaws.

Stinky is so considerate

"Are your contacts in?...I was gonna squish your eyeballs around but figured I'd ask first."

I'll kill a seal.

It looks like his wrists are growing hamsters.

Oh, DANG!  I can never compete with the Michelin Man!!

If you were a rock covered in food, I'd be a satisfied fish.

Remember when I found an alien fetus in my sleeve?

Dinner is always better with a yeti.

No Context, Please

"I feel just like me, but even lazier."